Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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