my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
