i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
