GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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