at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
