I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
