Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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