You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
