who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
