ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
