I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
