There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
