id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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