I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
