I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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