That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
