6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
