that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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