I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
