she smelled like a LAN party
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
