you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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