She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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