For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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