Small penises have feelings too.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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