Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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