The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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