He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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