Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
