How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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