WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
