How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
