We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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