I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
