i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
