one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want to make out with him forever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
