Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
