I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think my moral compass just broke
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
