Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
