im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
