Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
