whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Please don't give away my fajitas
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
