I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
