Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
