my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
