Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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