I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
