His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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