Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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