i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
