I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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