Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
