I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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