; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
