i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
